The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to Love

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-09-05T19:16:00

2005-09-06T00:17:19Z

I now have a new account.

It was a sudden impulse and I just felt like a change.

This journal means a lot to me. I've had it for a long time.

But I have to admit, the emo name was just getting kinda old.

Shmannah. Add me. :)

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-28T23:00:00

2005-08-29T04:12:43Z

WHO WANTS TO SEE THE AWESOME NEW CLOTHES I GOT TODAY?!

cuuuuute pink shirt with little hearts all over them

sexy polka dotted spaghetti strap shirt

red and gold heart tank

star shirt

an awesome dress for just $8! =D

I'm kinda worried about this hurricaine stuff, but I'm sure it'll be ok. I miss my Manny. I'm such a loser.

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-28T08:33:00

2005-08-28T13:36:32Z

Manny didn't get home before I went to bed, which sucks because now I'm awake way before he'll be and I get to sit around with no idea what's going on. I wish he'd left me some explaination or something. Whatever. He probably didn't have time. I may go to get some more sleep or I may just watch a couple movies.... Not sure.

Manny, if you wake up, and I'm not on, call me, please...

P.S. OVARIES ARE RETARDED!

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-27T22:14:00

2005-08-28T03:26:33Z

Before

After

It actually looks brighter than in this picture, especially in the sun.

I'm watching the movie Mystery Men. It's great. I've been borrowing it from Christan for quite a while and she wants me to return it. I should have watched it sooner, but I was just never in the mood. It's really funny, though.

Anyway, now I'm going to bed.

Manny's still not back yet. Bleh.

I love you, Manny.
Night, peeps.

fun!fun!

2005-08-28T01:59:15Z

Pick a band, then respond to the questions with only song titles from that band...

My band choice: The Beatles

Are you male or female: Another Girl

Describe yourself: Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey

How do some people feel about you: Help!

How do you feel about yourself: I Feel Fine

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: I should have known better

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: You Really Got A Hold On Me/Why Don't We Do It In The Road? (lol)/I Want To Hold Your Hand

Describe where you want to be: Here, There, And Everywhere/Across The Universe

Describe what you want to be: Paperback Writer

Describe how you live: With A Little Help From My Friends

Describe how you love: Eight Days A Week

Share a few words of wisdom: All You Need Is Love/Think For Yourself/Let It Be/Come Together

wish I knew what you were looking for; I might have known what you would find...

2005-08-27T21:23:19Z

Have you ___________ this Summer 2005?
SURVEY:
-had a party? no
-gone to a party? no
-spent the night with someone? yea
-laughed until your stomach hurt? yes, much
-laughed until you almost peed your pants? almost
-gone on a vacation? nope
-tanned? heh. you gotta be kidding.... me? tan? HA!
-went to a camp? no
-swam? no
-went to the movies? lots
-gone shopping? yepperoonie
-Had a job? no
-gotten freakishly bored? oh god yes
-have you gotten sun burned yet? for once, no
-been outside during a lightning storm? no
-Been to another state? no
-been to another country? never have
-changed someting about your appearance? just my hair
-been to the the hospital with an injury? nope, luckily
-commited a crime/broken the law? yes, teehee
-gone on a road trip? to wal mart
-had a girfriend or boyfriend? yess
-been to a concert? no
-Been in trouble with the cops/parents? who doesn't get in trouble with their parents? no cops, thankfully but sheesh, yea.
-had a memorable moment? certainly
-had a horrible moment? oh yea
-missed a friend? mhm
-Slept under the stars? no, but that'd be sweet (as in awesome sweet and also nice sweet)
-thought about school? bleh, yes
-been to the beach? nope
-thought about a special someone? only like all the freaking time.

Speaking of which, Manny is apparantly in Texas and I have no idea why. Probably some family shit that he and I are both gonna end up upset about. I hate it. I hate the shit he goes through for them. He doesn't deserve any of that bullshit but he takes it and takes it and takes some more. And what I hate most is that I have no way to help him, none at all... but I always try like hell and still can't do anything for him.

I must go take a nap. I went to Christan's birthday party last night and we were up pretty late and Alecia and I had to sleep on the floor; so, I need some more rest. Manny, if you get home sooner than expected and happen to read this and if you can, call me please (if it's after like 6). I was supposed to go home sooner, but Christan and I got distracted playing Mario Bros 3 on her awesome old nintendo. Wish I knew what was going on. Bleh. So, yea... Manny, call me. I love you.

Goodnight, everyone.

She ran, calling wildfire

2005-08-25T03:20:25Z

this is the dye I dyed my hair with earlier today.

I didn't expect it to come out NEARLY that bright, because that is on VERY bleached hair, and I did not bleach mine.

In the front, it came out pretty vibrant.
The rest isn't dry so I'm not sure.
I'm excited, though... and I hope I don't get in trouble at school.

Hopefully I'll have pictures tomorrow.

SCORE!

2005-08-18T17:14:28Z

Who will be your sexy rockstar rapist? by defaultreality
Name
Date raped	May 26, 2014
Rapist	Davey Havok

Quiz created with MemeGen!

survey

2005-08-16T02:30:24Z

1. initials: HRJ

2. name someone with the same birthday as you? Aislinn McCloskey

3. where was your first kiss? This dude's pool... and he wasn't even the dude I was kissing

4. for or against same sex marriages? for.

5. are you homophobic? hell no

6. are you bisexual? yes

7. do you believe in God? dunno

8. how many & which US states have you been to? 6- Louisiana, North Carolina, Florida, Tennessee, Illinois, Arkansas

9. how many of the US states have you lived in? 1

10. have you ever lived outside the US? hope to someday

11. name something you like physically about yourself: my eyes

12. name something non physical you like about yourself: my insanely overactive sense of humor

13. where do you want to go to college? Julliard

14. what is your dream car? I dunno

15. if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? not sure

16. have you ever had someone of the opposite sex over at your house while your parents were gone? yes

17. how many concerts have you gone to? uh... three... four, maybe?

18. do you download music? occasionally

19. how many illegal things have you done? hm... I can think of four off the top of my head. there are more though, I'm sure

20. where would you want to go on a first date? dunno. movies, I guess

21. describe your perfect date: alone at their house, just snuggling and maybe watching tv. just being together

22. has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? i don't think so.

23. ever been kissed under fireworks? no. fuck fireworks.

24. have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time? I've never even had sex with more than one person

25. do you like president bush? I don't think he's stupid. I just think he's taken on more than he can handle

26. have you ever bungee jumped? I wish

27. have you ever white-water rafted? yes

28. have you ever crashed a car? thankfully, no *knocks on wood*

29. has anyone more than 10 years older than you hit on you? ew. yes.

30. have you met a real redneck? oh hellz yea

31. are you interested in anyone right now? yes. but only one person. and if you don't know who it is, you need to read this journal a hell of a lot more often, dummy.

32. what song are you listening to right now? I have Daysleeper by R.E.M. in my head

33. what is your current favorite song? broken -seether and amy lee; november rain -gnr; and right there -fuckIforgot

34. what was the last movie you watched? Yellow Submarine

35. who was the last person you said you loved? my Manny... because I do.

36. where was the last place you went besides your house? Wal-Mart

37. have you ever seriously vandalized someone elses property? no

38. have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? yes. I hit Ethan all the time

39. Have you ever sang in front of a large group of people? yep, a few times

40. whats the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? hair, usually

41. what really turns you on? passion

42. what do you usually order from starbucks? nothing

43.what is your biggest mistake? holding onto old regrets isn't something I do. I just try to learn from them, and then move on; so, I don't really know.

44. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? yes, but I don't any more

45. name something you dont like physically about yourself? my stomach, my nose, I'll just stop now....

Happy anniversary to us!

2005-08-16T00:54:56Z

teehee

that's right, folks.

As of today, it has been exactly two years since Manny and I started dating.
two years of love.

wow.

I went to his house earlier and we had a wonderful time.

I shan't go into details because I know you don't want to hear them, but it was so great....

I'm closer to him than to anyone else in the world
and when I'm with him, I forget everything else
because nothing else really matters
at least not as much as he does....

Manny, I fucking adore you. You make me happier than anything I could imagine. No, you're not perfect... neither am I, but you and I as a couple become the most perfect thing I've ever felt... ever. I've literally never been happier than I am when you hold me and I doubt that I ever could be. You make me feel beautiful and happy and safe and... complete.... And kissing you, holding you... being with you... has got to be the most wonderful feeling in the world. We say it all the time, but I never want to start taking these words for granted or treating them as if they don't really have any meaning. They didn't before I met you, but you've honestly taught me what it is to love and be loved. I can never thank you enough or put into words what I feel for you, because there are no words. The closest I can get is to say that I love you more than anything... anything at all.

I love you.

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-12T17:31:00

2005-08-12T22:32:12Z

feeling a bit better about the computer now, just so everyone knows. I'm still pissed off and sad, but I can't just sit around crying about it, now can I?

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-12T14:54:00

2005-08-12T19:59:36Z

they called about my computer and I got it back.

you might therefore be wondering why my mood is still crappy.

they deleted everything.
EVERYTHING.

the asshole who did it apparantly didnt know he was supposed to back up my files.
everything.

EVERY FUCKING MEMORY I HAVE FROM THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF IS GONE.
GONE

FOREVER.

and I can't make it connect to the internet

AND I ran out of prozac a couple weeks ago so I'm even more upset about this than I should be.

wonderful.
fucking wonderful.

every picture, ALL OF MY WRITING oh my god. all my writing is gone. oh my god.

fuck........

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-12T05:31:00

2005-08-12T11:17:46Z

I've been meaning to post about my trip to New Orleans for almost a week now; so, hey... why not do it now?

It was Christan's first time to New Orleans.
She was obviously excited.

We got some pictures of the water off the bridge.

And some pictures of each other.

And then lots of pictures of our awesome hotel.

(the "secret" elevator)

(the secret storage room behind the elevator)

(downstairs)

Then we went down to the french quarter.
There was a crooked building that reminded us both of Tim Burton movies.

And another building we just both liked

And some pidgeons eating some bread

And a street sign I just wanted to remember. (I love the name Toulouse)

After this I got a disposable camera so I won't have pictures from that night until later....
but we went to an art show and then to an incredibly awesome place called the Rock n' Bowl. It's an old fifties bowling place with live bands playing and a bar. We didn't go to the bar of course, but we bowled and an AWESOME band called The Dempseys was playing. We ended up each buying a shirt and Christan got two cds that she's gonna burn for me. I'll have pictures later. Here's what the shirt looks like.

And I got their autographs on the back.
Oh god that reminds me. We went into this amazing little store with like thousands of autographed posters and pictures and guitars and everything. They had shit signed by EVERYBODY. There was a bass that The Beatles had signed and a beautiful Marilyn Monroe picture.... I wanted it so bad, but it was like $7,000, I think. But man... Christan and I could have like died in there.

Anyway, the next morning, Christan and I weren't really ready to get up, but mom insisted that we go to the Camelia Grill... and god I'm glad we did....

We ended up in line in front of Mary Stuart Masterson... which was amazing because if I'd been with any other friend, we wouldn't have noticed.... But there's this movie that Christan loaned me called Benny & Joon with her and Johnny Depp, and I was like "dude, that looks like Joon...." and she was like "shit! I think it is!" ...but no one else noticed.... And I asked her -- I felt like such an idiot -- I was like "um... are you who we think you are?" and she was like "who do you think I am?" and kinda laughed a little, and I was like "Mary Stuart Masterson...." and she was like "yea" and laughed some more. She seemed nice.

Anyway... so we checked out of our hotel and went back down towards the french quarter.

There was a beer can that said "please don't litter" sitting on a bench where someone left it.

we found it amusing.

We went to a movie at the imax theatre (and yes, I just like spelling it "re"). There were all these names outside and we found a woman whose name is spelled the same as Christan's mom (Kelley)

and another good picture from Toulouse st.

then we got our fortunes told and there was a ballerina trying to have someone take a picture of her... so I took a picture, heh.

The fortune-teller told mom she'd be buying a house soon (which she will), told me that I'd have a career in the arts (which I want to), and told Christan that one day she'd backpack around Europe (which she dreams of doing), amoung other things. It was amazing.
Then we went down Pirate's Alley!

We saw some artists selling their paintings.
(not sure who)
(<--Ken Frink)
(still Ken Frink)
and a building with the windows boarded up with three names that Christan loves on the boards

and a pretty Knight Stick

and a pretty building with a pretty sign and a pretty grate....

and a guy dancing around banging two bottles together and singing... just doing it. it was cool.

and then a window we kept passing by.... look at the shadow of the green figure. I kept thinking those shapes were just beautiful, and I didn't even realize what the shadow made. It was awesome when I saw it....

and that's all the pictures I got from there on my digital camera, but I'll have some more in a couple days I hope.

Also I wanna show off the shirt and shoes that I got at this great little shop called "Feeling India" in the french quarter.
(my beautiful gold shoes)
(and my shirt that you can't really see that well, but too bad.... it's still awesome)
I also got some great sunglasses and Christan got two pairs of shoes and we each got a beautiful ring from the same place I got the glasses and Christan got one pair of shoes.

I had an awesome time, even though I did miss Manny, of course. I think I want to live there one day. Everything was just so beautiful. All the art and self-expression everywhere. It was just... beautiful. Anyway, I was almost expecting Manny to be annoyed that I'd been gone, but I was wrong. He'd missed me, but he was glad I had a good time. None of you know how happy that makes me. (I love you, Manny.)

Ok, I need to get back to bed now. I hope you guys enjoyed reading all about my trip (but you didn't enjoy that as much as I enjoyed going on it, trust me)

P.S. This entry took me 45 minutes. You mofos had better comment.

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-11T23:07:00

2005-08-12T04:10:51Z

"Johnny Depp says he’s so desperate to avoid typecasting that his next film could be a porn movie.... Johnny’s famed for his more eccentric roles, including Edward Scissorhands, Captain Jack Sparrow and most recently, Willy Wonka, but says there’s more to him. 'These kind of characters are not as far from my own personality, but I don’t want to become typecast as an eccentric,' reveals Johnny. 'Maybe next time I should do something totally different and film a cracking porn with Tim (Burton). That would really send my popularity down to the depths!'"

http://www.mykindaplace.com/celebdirt/thedirt/?id=886

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-11T13:39:00

2005-08-11T18:40:38Z

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

it may take me a while, though.

I know I haven't been commenting or responding at all much lately, but it's because fucking doghouse computers has had my computer for THREE FUCKING WEEKS. yea. It's bullshit and I want it back.

I'd rather have it barely working than not have it at all....

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-11T13:26:00

2005-08-11T18:34:55Z

Orientation was yesterday and it was cool I suppose.

Shall we compare schedules? I think we shall. haha

(even though mine is probably going to change because I don't have an 8th hour)

Homeroom- Guilbeau, Shane
1st Period- Alg II (G); Landry, Paula
2nd Period- Speach/Drama II; Guilbeau, Shane
3rd Period- Chemistry (G); Krippse, Donna
Second Lunch
4th Period- Spanish II; Spanish (no idea who my teacher is)
5th Period- English III (R); Collins, Trina
6th Period (semester 1)- Mythology; Hargrave, Debora
6th Period (semester 2)- Shakespeare; Hargrave, Debora
First Lunch
7th Period- American History (H); Patin, Keith
8th Period- (?)
9th Period- Musical; Guilbeau, Shane (afterschool)

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-06T09:50:00

2005-08-06T14:52:50Z

I'm leaving in a few minutes to go to New Orleans. It's the only vacation I'll have this summer, so I'm gonna try to enjoy it. We'll be back tomorrow.

I've got some crap weighing on me. Some that I feel bad about and some that I'm pissed about, but mostly some that I don't know whether to feel bad or be pissed about. Whatever. I'll just get my mind off of it while I'm there, I suppose.

I've gotta go do some shit before we leave.
talk to you guys later.

♥

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-08-01T16:31:00

2005-08-01T21:35:29Z

I got to go see my Manny today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and we made beautiful love.
lol.

yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. and it was FUCKING WONDERFUL.

and I don't care if you didn't want to hear that... because I wanted to say it.

A Frolicking Jew: Thank you for the good food o.o And the great sex o.o And all the love o.o
so cute

I LOVE YOU MANNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-07-31T07:36:00

2005-07-31T12:38:56Z

I had a pretty fucked up dream last night. It's one of those things that's just gonna kinda haunt me for a while. I don't want to go into it, but it was messed up....

I have no idea what it means, though. If it means anything at all.

I'm still tired, but I can't sleep....

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-07-30T18:09:00

2005-07-30T23:10:02Z

I'm watching Ringu.

And gosh, Manny makes me laugh

A Frolicking Jew: The tape in The Ring was just dumb..
satanismysxybtch: yea
satanismysxybtch: exactly
A Frolicking Jew: OMGZ! A FLY! I SHAL PEEK IT OOP!
A Frolicking Jew: Moron..
satanismysxybtch: lol

YAY

2005-07-30T19:23:50Z

I just made my first trip driving somewhere ALL BY MYSELF!

My parents let me go to blockbuster.

I rented Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (which I've seen before and loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove), and Ringu (which I've heard good things about).

And some kid flicked me off on the way home. He looked like 14 or 15; so, I flicked him off too. It was fun.

I just felt sooooo grown up!!!!

YAAAAY

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-07-29T22:32:00

2005-07-30T03:42:46Z

So, Manny and I are fighting again.

I hate when we fight. I hate it a whole fucking lot. I don't want to be pissed at him. I don't want him to be pissed at me.

Went to a movie with Christan tonight. Of course she fucking brought Matt. I'm happy for them but she fucking knows I just got in a fight with Manny. I need some time to talk to her not watch her make out and snuggle with her boyfriend.

But of course, he just had his arm around her the whole time and the only thing I wanted in the world was Manny's arm around me.

I hate when we fight. I hate it I hate it I fucking hate it.

I just want there to be an easier way for him to tell me why he's mad and me to just understand and then for him to understand me and for it to be over, but sometimes it's just impossible for either of us to listen or to say what we mean clearly enough. I want this to be all better.
I wanna just go to sleep and wake up with it all better.

I'm trying, I really am.

But if I talk to him, anything I say, either I'm blaming him and he has to get defensive or I'm blaming myself and I'm being a "martyr".

Call it what you like, but no matter what I say, I'm made to feel like it's all my fault and I feel like shit just because he has to be pissy for one night.

I love him more than anything or anyone in the world. Any day, I'd choose him over anybody else. I'd shout it out to the whole world that he means more to me than anyone else on this earth. I'm sorry if I ever made it seem otherwise.

At least I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself like I usually do. Yea, sometimes I act like a martyr, but I wasn't trying to tonight. I was trying to tell him how I felt.

Fuck.

FUCK.

no matter what I do to try to make this better, he'll just be mad. that's just what he does. there's nothing i can do if he won't even talk to me. i wanna try. i wanna fix this. i just wanna talk. but it's gonna become a fight and there's nothing i can do about it.

make it fucking go away.

Manny, I love you. you kn ow that. so, why are we doing this?

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-07-29T17:15:00

2005-07-29T22:17:07Z

WHY THE FUCK DOES HE DO THIS BULLSHIT TO ME?

I love him more than anything, but he has to get in a bad mood and take it all out on me

I'm sorry I didn't know that you wanted to go to the movie. I'm sorry I didn't ask until I realized you wanted to go but honestly, I did want you to go. But then we start to fight and you won't even fucking listen to me.

I'm not being a fucking martyr, you're just being an asshole.

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-07-29T16:50:00

2005-07-29T21:51:52Z

I found one way to cure my boredom...

These were all taken in my backyard

*yawn*

(mouse)

(rosie)

she's just thinking "I don't know what she's doing with that silver thing on her face, but I wish she'd let me get up!"

*wink*

my rosie and me!

I think she was dancing for me:

Then she got tired:

And then I got a great picture of her:

Then I tried to take a picture of my nails, but it came out cool anyway:

the angle makes me seem tall... and those are Manny's boxers! teehee.

And lastly (for now) mom's garden (which seems pretty from afar, but actually has quite a few dead things in it... haha):

dntwasteurtouch @ 2005-07-29T13:14:00

2005-07-29T18:20:48Z

I'm beginning to dislike summer.
I can't go anywhere and I have nothing to do; so, it's all getting to be reeeeeeally boring....
Manny and I can still only see each other on the weekends so we'd actually see each other more if we were in school. Great, huh?

It's just so annoying. We've all been going through this cycle for years now.... Months of work and stress and then a break, full of boredom, then the stress starts again, even worse than it was before, it gets even worse and worse, finally peaks, then another break. We're just constantly looking forward to something (the end of finals, spring break, summer vacation, being able to drive, a date this weekend, whatever) and that's all that keeps us going. But then we know that after that it's all just gonna keep going. And then we get out of school and what do we have to look forward to then? College, more work; a job, constant stress, worries about money and family and what the hell ever; retirement, which is basically saying that the remainder of your life will be nothing but boredom; then, finally, death.

What the hell is the point?

And ya know, I'm not even depressed or anything right now.

I'M JUST SO FREAKING BORED THAT I START THINKING ABOUT ALL THIS CRAP.

If anyone wants to hang out and save me from myself, that would be great. DESTRI NEEDS TO CALL ME BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN SAYING WE'D HANG OUT FOR LIKE A YEAR BUT WE HAVEN'T. I think I'll IM her and bug her about it.

Alright, my rant of the day is over.